Get Your Own Basement: Advice on Becoming an Adult

My eldest son's declaration to "move out and play video games in his own basement," along with a recent discussion about dental hygiene have caused me a great deal of alarm as a mother.  It seems that despite my best efforts (such as constantly repeating the directive to change underwear daily) my children are still ill-prepared to go out into the world and function as productive, adult-male members of society.

Don't get me wrong, they are lovely boys.  They rarely cause me any trouble.  I've never received a call from the Principal's office or the police station.  None of them have ever been arrested, tattooed, or pierced (as far as I know).  They help out around the house, are well-behaved and get good grades.  But being labeled "gifted and talented" by the school district does not necessarily guarantee one an advantage in the common sense department.

Case in point: last Monday a certain son of mine was going out to breakfast with some friends from his church youth group.  He came downstairs to verify that he should NOT brush his teeth before he left.  Because, after all, his father and I had been saying to him nearly every morning for the past 12 years, "Eat breakfast and then go brush your teeth."

Somehow, this "gifted" young man could not, on his own, come up with the caveat: unless you are going out to breakfast with friends, who will not appreciate your bad breath and crusty teeth, in which case you should most definitely brush your teeth BEFORE eating breakfast.

Guess what?  He wasn't the only one.  When he walked into the bathroom to brush, we heard his older brother say.  "What are you doing?  Shouldn't you brush your teeth after you get back?"  That one is apparently gifted and talented too.  No really.  And he's graduating from high school in two years!  At this rate, he'll never be prepared to move out of the house!

I hope these boys never, EVER schedule a job interview before breakfast. And dating?  Thank goodness 99.9% of dating happens after breakfast. 

The thing is, I'm never exactly sure what I'm leaving out when I give parental advice.  I really didn't think I'd have to explain that while brushing your teeth after breakfast is usually a good idea, it would obviously be better to brush before breakfast if you're going out with friends.  But clearly what is obvious to me is not all that obvious to my children.  

So I've decided to leave some advice for my sons here on the blog.  Basic stuff.  Stuff I don't think I need to cover, or feel that I already have covered at some point, but should probably review anyway. Just in case my children move out before I've had the chance to follow up on my daily admonitions to wear deodorant with specific details such as "every single day" and "under both armpits." 

Hopefully, by leaving said advice, they won't have to come back and live in my basement after they've left home.  They will be able to function in the adult world simply by checking the blog for tutorials on common sense topics like Don't Buy Things You Can't Afford or How To Replace the Toilet Paper Roll in Three Easy Steps.

Think of it as an advice column of sorts.  For boys.  And possibly girls, depending on the subject matter.  Because obviously everyone needs to learn to change the toilet paper roll.